Written by Rach Littley Cert. Arts (psych), B. Couns (hons), Dip.MSBR
Did you know that around 130 young people aged 15-19 in New Zealand are affected by eating disorders? And we are seeing a significant increase in these statistics. Research also shows that eating disorders are heavily linked to mental health disorders and contribute to some of the highest mortality rates of all mental illnesses. These statistics are alarming and highlight the need for awareness and intervention.
In my counselling practice, I have noticed an increase in intermediate-aged children presenting early stages of poor relationships with food, mostly stemming from a desire to look a certain way and restricting their eating. This has been especially true for young females.
Understanding the Influence of Words
As caregivers, our goal is to support the health and well-being of the young people in our care. However, it’s important to be mindful of how our words - often spoken without malintent - can impact teens, especially when it comes to food and body image.
Offhand remarks like 'Are you eating again?' or 'You’re still hungry?' might seem harmless, but they can have long-lasting effects on teens' perceptions of food and their bodies. These comments can contribute to the development of unhealthy relationships with food.
How These Comments Can Affect Teens
Creating Self-Consciousness:
Comments like “Do you really need that second helping?” or “You’re going to eat all of that?” can make teens feel self-conscious about their food choices. This can lead to anxiety or shame around eating, even when they’re genuinely hungry or making balanced choices.
Fostering a Negative Body Image:
Remarks such as “That’s a lot of food” or “Shouldn’t you be eating something healthier?” or "How are you still hungry?" can make teens more aware of their bodies in a negative way. They may start to worry that their eating habits are being judged and/or that they need to change how they look to gain approval for yourself and others.
Encouraging Disordered Eating:
Over time, repeated comments like these can contribute to disordered eating behaviours. Teens might begin restricting food, skipping meals, or binge eating as a way to cope with feelings of inadequacy and/or to regain control over their bodies.
Early Warning signs
These are some common early warning signs of an unhealthy relationship with food to watch for as a parent or caregiver. Children and teens may start to avoid social situations involving food, such as family meals or outings with friends. You might also notice an increase in food restriction, guilt around eating something "bad," or self-punishment with 'fasting' or negative self-talk. Other signs can include frequent body checking, random bursts of binge eating, oversleeping, and an increase in liquid intake.
Recognising these early warning signs can help prevent unhealthy relationships with food from becoming more serious. But where do these patterns start? Often, they stem from the way we talk about food in our daily lives.
Why We Make These Comments
I believe it's important to acknowledge how much intergenerational learning contributes to our relationship with food. We all have a relationship with food, and we all pass that on without realising it. Many parents grew up hearing similar remarks and may see them as harmless guidance rather than something that could impact a child’s self-image. Society’s emphasis on body size and diet culture has also shaped how we talk about food, sometimes making us equate eating habits with morality, for example, labelling foods as “good” or “bad” rather than focusing on balance and understanding how learning about macros and moderation is a much healthier approach to eating. In many cases, these comments come from a place of care and concern, as parents naturally want their children to be healthy and to help guide them towards healthier choices.
However, it’s equally important to recognise that even well-intentioned comments can unintentionally harm a teen’s relationship with food; Children and teens interpret words literally, and even well-intended guidance can be internalised as criticism, leading to shame around eating. And thus developing an unhealthy relationship with food, which can then easily snowball into eating disorders.
Recognising the Impact
Adults may not always realise the weight of their words, especially when comments are made offhandedly or with good intentions. By becoming aware of how these remarks can influence a teen’s relationship with food, caregivers can help foster a more positive and balanced approach to eating.
Shifting conversations to nourishment, body acceptance, and variety can help break the cycle. Rather than commenting on a their food choices at all, the best approach is to create a neutral and pressure-free environment around food. Providing a variety of nourishing options, and modelling a balanced attitude towards eating all help to build a positive relationship with food - without the need for verbal guidance or perceived judgment. If comments are needed then try to encourage contribution, i.e. “How can we make sure our meals have a bit of everything our body needs?”, "What should we have for dinner this week - do you want to cook?". Small shifts in language like this that encourage contribution can help young people build a positive and empowered relationship with food.
Alongside family influence, social media plays a huge role in shaping body ideals for young people. Algorithms often push unrealistic body standards, making it even more crucial for caregivers and parents to provide balanced messaging around food.
Building a Healthy Relationship with All Foods
Promote Balance Without Judgment:
Encourage a balanced diet that includes a variety of foods, but avoid labelling foods as “good” or “bad.” All foods can fit into a healthy lifestyle when consumed in moderation. Instead of focusing on restriction, emphasise the importance of enjoying a range of foods in moderation for overall health.
Model Positive Behaviour:
Children and teens observe the eating habits of those around them. Demonstrate a healthy relationship with food by eating a variety of foods in moderation and avoiding negative talk about your own body and/or eating habits. Show that it’s okay to enjoy all types of food without guilt.
Encourage Open Communication:
Create a safe space for your teen to talk about their feelings and concerns regarding food and body image. If they express worries, listen without judgement and offer support by asking them what would be helpful. Reassure them that it’s normal to feel hungry or crave certain foods and that their worth isn’t tied to their diet or body.
Support Their Growth:
Understand that children and teens go through periods of rapid growth, which increases their nutritional needs. It’s normal for them to be hungry more often during these times. Provide a variety of foods that can fuel their bodies and support their development, such as high protein foods and dark, leafy greens.
Focus on Overall Well-Being:
We know that our wellbeing is composed of physical, mental, social and spiritual health - not just one or the other. Encourage activities that promote hauora (wellbeing) as a whole, such as age appropriate exercise, hobbies, and social interactions. Emphasise the importance of overall well-being rather than focusing solely on appearance or diet.
Seeking Help When Needed
If you notice signs of disordered eating or if your child/teen expresses ongoing distress about food or body image, it’s important to seek help from a healthcare professional like your GP, a Counsellor, or a Dietitian.
Early intervention can make a significant difference in preventing more serious issues.
Remember: Your words have a powerful impact. By fostering a positive and supportive environment around food, you can help the young people in your care develop a healthy relationship with eating that lasts a lifetime.
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